No no no no no no!

I just read this story on CNN.com and want to slap this idiot:

"'Get those people in danger, have them sleep together, create those jealousies,' Nunan said.
In other words, sex sells."

Lost will start getting riotous ratings once revelations start rolling in. I consider myself a HUGE fan of the show, and one of the only things they do on the show that I HATE is the pitter-patter relationship crap.

I don't care who Kate does or doesn't want to sleep with.

Nor does anyone else.

Get back to the mystery and the revalations, people.

Worst Comeback EVER.

While perusing various forums on the net, I often read threads where a couple members get into an argument about something completely pointless. Ultimately, one ends up slinging some heinously misspelled insults, to which the other dunce replies “Nice grammer idiot.”

Oh, the irony.

P.S. “GRAMMAR”! And to reference an old post, “RIDICULOUS”! It’s not rocket science!

The Quest for Phyllo Dough.

Phyllo dough, why must you elude us?

'Twas a lukewarm, misty night. The scent of urgency pulsated through the air, with impending baklava dying to jump out of the pantry and into our mouths. But alas, the phyllo dough in our freezer was but half a package. Such initiated our quest.

We two young travelers first arrived at Albertson's, a local market. Our search yielded nothing. At long last we were able to locate a service wench, who informed us our quest was for naught; not only had she never heard of such a thing, nor had five or ten others. "Phyllo? Like Fila shoes?" You poor peasants - you have yet to live.

To Chez Target we sped, but were first afflicted by the twang of desire for a massive bacon cheeseburger, hence we segued to Fuddrucker's, a local cow factory. 1/3 pound of medium-cooked ground beef was soon speeding through our intestines, along with fried potatoes drenched in buckets of honey mustard and ranch. After emitting hearty sighs of relief, we felt rejuvenated in our search for the bastardly phyllo dough. We shall conquer you! (we shook our fists at this point)

Soon the red circle of destiny was within our sights - our heartbeats increased as we could almost taste the sweet phyllo. Our time had come - or so we thought. Again phyllo looked upon us from the sky with his cold gaze and declared, "you shall never defeat me!" We peered upward into the now ever-increasing downpour and reaffirmed our dedication to our mission - "give me phyllo or give me death!" The time had come to call our old, dear friend, Mr. Tom Thumb.

And so it was, on the 23rd of February, in the year of our 27th birthdays, we found the dough that is phyllo at Tom Thumb. Fighting back tears of joy, we clutched our package with Herculean force and drove our mighty steed rapidly away before they realized the sacred nature of the good which they had just sold. For it is now ours.

I now find myself perched at my terminal to regale you with our tale of triumph, only to be interrupted by my companion's proclamation of profanity coming from the other room. Apparently we have forgotten the mix that yields cake. Such are the consequences of shopping without the list of groceries. No matter - the mix shall be ours!

Trips.

Chad requests, I oblige:
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. That worldwide stability seems to be consistently decreasing
2. Random acts of violence
3. Cancer

THREE INEVITABILITIES THAT TERRIFY ME TO MY CORE
1. Nuclear war
2. The ever-shrinking middle class
3. The eventual passing of the people I love

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH
1. Dave Chappelle
2. Chris Rock
3. Collin Massey

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT OK IN THE END
1. My Love
2. My Mom
3. My friends (yeah, I know I’m cheating)

THREE THINGS I LOVE
1. Exercise
2. Vacations/Relaxation
3. Learning

THREE THINGS I HEART
1. The Cake
2. “Lost.” Or………”Heroes”? (cue ominous music)
3. Shopping

THREE GUILTY PLEASURES
1. The Sourdough Jack
2. Ice Cream
3. Buffets
(Note that Monika’s cooking is absent from this list – I have zero guilt consuming those :))

THREE DECADENT INDULGENCES
1. Seafood Lasagna
2. The Buttercream-iced cupcakes
3. Tres Leches
(Okay, some of said cooking ended up making this list, either because they are particularly expensive or extraordinarily unhealthy J)

THREE THINGS I HATERADE
1. Grudges
2. Drinking and driving
3. Playing freaking ambidextrous tennis players
<4.>

THREE THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND
1. Religious wars
2. Particle Physics
3. Why people just refuse to learn how to spell “ridiculous.” Seriously. It’s not difficult.

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. Superman
2. Voltron
3. A red Lamborghini Countach (I wish it weren’t just a model)

THREE (INNOCENT) CRUSHES
1. Let me take a moment to plug a most amusing quote – in response to Britney Spears shaving her head, a friend of mine declared “Britney completes the fall into hell.” Simultaneously, I can’t help but agree with a story I read stating one comedian refused to make light of the situation, because she is obviously pretty ill. Anyway, she probably would have been on the list at one time, but she has now come full-circle and landed on the “anti-list,” if that exists.
2. Alyssa Milano
3. Elisha Cuthbert

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Run a marathon
2. Bench 315 pounds
3. Drive a Lamborghini

THREE THINGS I CAN DO
1. Serve over 100 mph
2. Cook (I think this is fairly rare for a guy)
3. Stretch my left arm far behind my head

THREE THINGS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO
1. Rock concerts
2. iPods
3. Sports car exhausts

THREE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO
1. Religious rants
2. Crackheads
3. Idiots

THREE THINGS I’D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to whistle
2. How to do various household work (which I will be learning in the near future, I guarantee)
3. How not to get disgruntled when I’m having a bad day on the tennis court (a work in progress)

THREE JOBS I’D LOVE TO TRY
1. Critic (music/movies/food)
2. Rock star
3. Race car driver

THREE FAVORITE FOODS
1. The Cake
2. Seafood Lasagna
3. Homemade Pizza

THREE COMFORT FOODS
1. Sourdough Jack
2. Noticed the correlation between this list and “Guilty Pleasures” yet?

THREE FAVORITE QUOTATIONS
It will literally take me hours to sort through which ones I’d want to use, so I’m copping out for now.

THREE SONGS I’M ALWAYS IN THE MOOD FOR
1. Radiohead – “Let Down”
2. Interpol – “Obstacle 1”
3. Dave Matthews Band – “#41”

THREE SONGS I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW
1. Deadsy – “Asura”
2. Cure – “Letter to Elise”
3. …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead – “Will You Smile Again?”

THREE MOVIES NO ONE HAS SEEN BUT EVERYONE SHOULD SEE
1. “American Psycho”
2. “Children of Men”
3. “Jacob’s Ladder”

THREE ONSCREEN MOMENTS THAT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
1. The end of “Titanic” (I’m dodging the tomatoes right now – yeah, yeah, yeah!)
2. The movie “Zoolander” (yes, the whole thing) …
3. …and “Half-Baked”

THREE VOICES I LOVE TO HEAR (I’m assuming these are speaking voices)
1. Peter Steele – lead singer of Type O Negative
2. James Earl Jones
3. Marilyn Manson

THREE RESPONSES I’D LIKE TO READ
1. Mrs. Badger
2. Cookie
3. Robby

Nothing.

You'd think that as an embedded software engineer, I'd be able to find a way to get this banner at the top of my blog. No luck so far.

The Lab.

An incessant, dull whir encompasses the room continuously. Bits and bytes, blinking lights, flashing through the endless nights. Monitors here, there, and everywhere telling me I can’t go home yet. There goes another “fail” message – and I’ve already hit my annual profanity quota.

Marathon Woman.

CONGRATULATIONS to my amazing wife, who just ran 26.2 miles. She wrote about the experience here.

Supershelf!

I finally finished building a bookcase for the office recently, so I was able to unpack my Superman stuff. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

For Kimberly Lassa.

Rolling Stones - "Gimme Shelter"

Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

The floods is threat'ning
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
Kiss away, kiss away

"Lost" Returns Tonight!

While you're waiting for 9 p.m. CST (wow, even "Lost" doesn't want to touch "American Idol"), read this. It's an interview with the producers which, at the very least, reassures you that do do know where they are going with this.

Here You Are Now, Entertain Us.

I've been to a lot of concerts in my life, but was reminded of one in particular tonight. While watching Heroes (so awesome), during a commercial break I flipped to an HD channel called "Rave" that shows concerts with bands I typically like. Oasis was playing, and I caught the back end of "Wonderwall," one of my favorite Oasis songs, after which Liam Gallagher informed the audience they could go fuck themselves. I wasn't surprised, though.

I saw Oasis in 1997 (perhaps 1998) for free. A friend of mine had won concert tickets to see them at the Ariel Theater in Houston (I'm not sure what it's called now). Although I loved Oasis (and still do) that went down in history as the single most unpleasant concert experience of my life. The room was jam-packed of not drunk, but completely hammered Brits chanting raucous soccer chants back and forth, slinging beer every which way and acting like complete assholes. Usually during concerts when you're near the front there is a lot of pushing - most of these people were so wasted they made no attempt to resist the pushing. So I enjoyed the feeling of stank, incoherent idiots falling all over me all night, yelling the lyrics to the songs so loud that I could barely hear the band. Now, it's not like I'm dissing everyone who sings along at a concert - it happens all the time and sometimes it's kind of cool to see that many people singing in unison - but it's COMPLETELY different when you're talking about a 250-lb Brit with a gut and two beers in his hand yelling (not singing) "YEAH MAYBE YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE WHO SAVES ME!!!" Multiply that by a thousand or so to fill the capacity of the room.

But that was just the appetizer. The main course was a band that clearly didn't give a rat's ass what you thought about them or their attitude toward the performance. Noel Gallagher is the only member of the band that seemed to possess even a shred of dignity about the affair. Liam is just flat-out obnoxious. Don't feel like singing any more? Eh, just raise your middle finger, walk off the stage, and let your brother finish that song. It's cool. I remember the last song before the encore was "Champagne Supernova," and before starting it up, Liam came up to the mic and with a cocky grin on his face, and while shaking his hands back and forth "tah-dah!"-style, said "this one's Champagne Supernova," with a real "screw you" sort of accent, and then wandered over to Noel while he strummed the opening chords with a look like "they can't possibly be paying me enough to endure this rubbish."

At the same time, though, I was thinking hey - maybe this is just part of the act. Marilyn Manson is an extremely smart, well-read, eloquent guy that puts on a big spectacle to get a rise out of people. And part of almost any rock show is the "spectacle." Maybe Oasis are masters of the act, and I'm just blinded by the efficiency with which they can act totally indifferent during a massive rock show?

Or maybe they're just assholes.


P.S. Please come out with a new album soon - you guys rule! I won't be seeing you live, though.

Prince = Awesome.

As if Prince need another reason to be a total badass, tonight during the Superbowl halftime show he covered the Foo Fighters ("Best of You"). I've never seen so much pyro in my entire life. Finally, he closed with "Purple Rain" while the real rain poured down and the symbol which formerly represented his name lit up bright purple to set the mood.

I hearby declare all future Superbowl halftimes will be crap in comparison.

Grizzled Old Man.

Am I old and grizzled now? The latest Rolling Stone has Panic! At the Disco on the cover. Yes, that's right. Panic! At the Disco. You know, that band that sings something-or-other having to do with "closing the goddamn door" and that's about the only lyric sung, over and over again. People like this band? Enough for RS to put them on the cover?

Of course, my initial reaction is to think that Rolling Stone has gone down the drain. Then again, it's probably more likely that I'm just old, grizzled, and out of touch with what the kids like these days. I remember the first time, years ago, that I saw this person "Eminem" on the cover of Rolling Stone and wondered who the hell he was. He turned out to be fairly popular...

...Damn kids...