Sunday, January 11, 2009

For Your Amusement.

I'm not sure who wrote this, and Google isn't telling me, but I found it on a message board and it's too good not to quote here. If anyone knows who the author is, let me know.

"MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced that he would skip his senior season and ascend directly into heaven.

Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman winner entered the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters fainted.

"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued.

"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.

"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America.

"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth." "

4 Comments:

Blogger Adam said...

Haha.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous kelsey said...

Hey Adam... I am trying to be moderately sly... and not tell monika, but this comment might go to her and not just you, so, oh well!

I'd like to start a virtual mile collection challenge for Monika, and just wanted your go-ahead. I thought she might say no, so I wanted to ask you first... sorta that good cop/bad cop thing. :D Anyway, if you're down with it, you can pass it to some of your other running friends.

(oh, I'm her friend kelsey macke, kelsnotchels from the nest... I am the new runner... I think we've met once before....) Anyway, let me know what you think, and email me if you can.

And Monika, if you get this, you'd better say yes! :D

All our looooove,
kels

2:39 PM  
Anonymous kelsey said...

oh, and you can email me at kelseymacke@gmail.com

2:40 PM  
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