Sunday, August 09, 2009

Law of Conservation of Stupidity.

It's been ages since I've written something on Scatterbrain but have been disgruntled about this subject for a while now. My wife is a fantastic baker and cook, so I'm often seen chowing down on delicious brownies, cakes, cookies, or whatever amazing meal she's whipped up. And people often comment, "Just wait 'till your metabolism slows down." Or "I remember when I could eat like that." Well guess what? I don't remember a time when I've ever been able to pig out on junk food and have experienced some sort of consequence. I'll eat cookies but that's intertwined into a day of multiple, small meals featuring fiber and the correct quantities of protein and carbs, interspersed with protein shakes and.........wait for it......LARGE quantities of exercise.

This is what just spurred me to blab on the internet for the first time in ages:

"People who go to the gym get fatter."

Things like this just blow my mind, but on the same token, it's typical of society. The other day I went to the store to pick up some more protein powder, and the lady at the counter opined, "I've bought this in the past but I'm not seeing any results. It must be working for you, though!" Yeah, that's because I exercise for a couple hours per day and have the correct diet.

One day I'm going to write a book called "The Law of Conservation of Mass." It's going to be the re-unveiling of an ages old concept that almost everyone knows yet few seem to comprehend. I'll change a few dollars for this book of mythical wisdom, and inside the book will the token knowledge that to lose weight you must burn more calories than you consume. It's not rocket science. Seriously. Yes, some people are easier losers than others, and some people have wacky metabolisms that make things harder for them, but I fiercely believe that consistency will ultimately yield people the results they are looking for.

One of the things I'm begrudgingly learning is most of the things that adults told me when I was younger were correct. I had a teacher in high school tell the class "You people want A's, but you don't want to do the work." Welcome to my current view on life in general.

So, for those of you that go to the gym, then hit up a nice Italian dinner featuring a few bread sticks, a large bowl of fettuccine Alfredo, and a large slice of cheesecake, WISE UP and realize why you aren't losing weight. It's really not that complicated. And along the way, don't be surprised when I give you a sarcastic look when you say I'm "lucky" for being in shape.